Cardboard News Network
This morning a representative from Cardboard*Con appeared on Good Morning Pulse Bar at the Marriott Marquis to announce that the cost of an Eternal Membership to this popular boxplay event has been increased to $25,000, effective immediately.
The representative also announced that Cardboard*Con 2022 will take place as usual on the first Saturday of March beginning at 7am at Meehan’s Pub.
The theme will be announced later, on Good Morning Pulse Bar on Cardboard*Con TV!!!
The world famous boxplay event Cardboard*Con has been roiled by cardboard controversy and cardboard confusion this year in the wake of a supposed “2021 global cardboard shortage”. Eternal members of the convention have been leading the protest, citing a lack of information from the convention’s leadership, demanding to know if the convention has been canceled.
In a shock felt across the Chunnel, the Brits are the first to invent a cardboard wine bottle. Frugalpac, a firm specializing (or should we say ‘specialising’) in the design and manufacture of liquids packaging, announced to the world’s first cardboard wine bottle.
Cardboard*Con gamely announces the arrival of a new summer concert series for dumpsterbound fans out there. While this video is entirely available for viewing, we strongly encourage our fans to save their 13 minutes for clipping their toenails or other useful tasks.
During a contentious pre-planning Zoom meeting for Cardboard*Con 2021, Elon Musk changed cardboard immunology forever. Musk, the self-appointed Director of the non-existent Research & Development Track said “Let’s get back to normal”, then did the unthinkable. Taking advantage of the host’s unfamiliarity with the Zoom interface, Musk proceeded to hijack the meeting. He began sharing his screen and running a 28 minute PowerPoint presentation for a radical new boxplay helmet design he described as a “CoronaBox 19”. While our intrepid CNN reporters were unable to obtain his actual PowerPoint file, they did walk away with a few details and images.
Boxplayers the world over set aside the last day of July to celebrate the life and legacy of Robert Gair, inventor of the mass-production of cardboard boxes. The symmetry of Gair’s birth on July 31, 1839, and subsequent death on that same day in 1927 has proven irresistible to celebrants. Many boxplayers consider “88” to be a highly lucky number and incorporate it into their festivities.
Investigative Cardboard News Network reporter Felix Cooper has uncovered a photograph poised to rock the world of boxplay: is famed Star Wars sound recordist Ben Burtt a pioneer of boxplay??
One of our favorite new materials isn’t really new at all – it’s just paper! But it’s what the paper-based packaging firm Ranpak has done with that paper that has us so excited! These cats have gone in and die-cut brown kraft paper, giving it a three-dimensional texture, making it the paper equivalent of plastic bubblewrap without all those pesky hydrocarbons! So let’s get on with our review of WrapPak EX Mini before you rush off to buy some from Amazon.com!
Last week it was announced that a strange videocassette containing lost footage of Cardboard*Con 2011 had been found lodged in the intake chute of one of the Cram-A-Lot Self-Contained Trash Compactors (a fancy dumpster) located deep in the bowels of the Atlanta Marriott Marquis. This lost footage is rocking the boxplay world.
Reports are coming out of Atlanta that the venerable boxplay convention Cardboard*Con is mired deep in a controversy surrounding discriminatory practices regarding staff meetings.
According to witnesses, patrons using bubblewrap in their costumes were turned away from an organizing meeting for next year’s event.