Cardboard*Con gamely announces the arrival of a new summer concert series for dumpsterbound fans out there. While this video is entirely available for viewing, we strongly encourage our fans to save their 13 minutes for clipping their toenails or other useful tasks.
What is this all about?
We’re really not sure. It’s really boring staying in the dumpster for months, and our fans are eager for new forms of entertainment. If you are an impressionable person with large sums of money, willing to contribute to our new Summer Concert Series, we would encourage you to consider Cardboard*Con in your will.
Where do I complain?
We honestly don’t know that you have any recourse here. We’re flat busted. You shouldn’t have clicked on that link in the first place. Sure, there’s nothing dirty or untoward in the video, but it’s just awful and we told you as much going into all of this.
You should complain to yourself for your poor impulse control.
Will there be more?
We hope not, but there probably will. We have poor impulse control too.
Who are the people in the video?
They would rather we not say, but pursuant to our goals of retiring early we could be arranged to answer to Mr. Roosevelt or Mr. Washington. Or whoever it is they’re printing onto paper money these days. What we’re saying here is, our Summer Concert Series is for sale – sort of. We will put YOUR branding on our concerts, for $500 an episode.