Convention Reports

Cardboard Confusion 2021

On Tuesday the convention updated their Facebook event, indicating that it will now be held online, with a promise of details to come – but the convention seemed to indicate that it holds little hope that fans will be satisfied with the event, indicating in the poster that “it will suck”.

The world famous boxplay event Cardboard*Con has been roiled by cardboard controversy and cardboard confusion this year in the wake of a supposed “2021 global cardboard shortage”. Eternal members of the convention have been leading the protest, citing a lack of information from the convention’s leadership, demanding to know if the convention has been canceled.

Professional boxplayers have been highly critical of event organizers.

Many fans have been left openly wondering on boxplay forums if they’ll even get to show off their boxtumes in public this coming Saturday. Before tumbling down a set of stairs outside the Sheraton due to poorly spaced eyeholes, protestor Ernesto McLean of Ridgemont explained “It’s not that we don’t know there’s other stuff going on in the world, or anything, like, but, like, we want to go and do stuff, man, and if this thing has been canceled then we want – uh oh, hey where’s the next stai—“

On Monday, March 1st, the convention posted a vague mea culpa about “running behind” on the progress report before shifting the blame onto someone named “Charlie”, who has apparently been fired.

On Tuesday the convention updated their Facebook event, indicating that it will now be held online, with a promise of details to come – but the convention itself seemed to indicate that it holds little hope that fans will be satisfied with an online event, indicating in the event’s poster that “it will suck”.

The full explanation of why the event has been changed provides a bit more insight, but no more direction as to what’s happening with the convention:

Due to a LAST MINUTE conflict with the Worldwide Internationale Cardboard Conference Annuelle (WICCA) in Lucerne, Switzerland, Cardboard*Con 12 will be replaced with a hastily prepared and completely unwatchable ONLINE broadcast on the evening of March 6th. NONE of the officially planned events for 2021 will be conducted in-person, in Atlanta this year. European-style refund cheques have already been issued to all badjholders at TWICE face value as a sincere sign of Cardboard*Con’s regrets for the extremely last minute, highly unprofessional form of notification, which many of our fans may in fact never receive. LEGAL: fans attempting to retrace the route of our planned 2021 event will be operating under their own recognizance and are in NO WAY endorsed or sponsored or supported by Cardboard*Con, the Cardboard*Con brand family of products, their assigns, listees, farquands, or affiliated muchadoos, and are very probably the same sort of irresponsible jobbernowls who congregate at bars along the BeltLine during a raging pandemic.

At this point Cardboard News Network has been unable to find details of the Worldwide Internationale Cardboard Conference Annuelle, but we have sent reporters to Atlanta and to Switzerland to investigate the situation in both cities.

Atlanta Report #1

An unofficial spokesman for the Marriott, Winky Johnson, found pilfering through a nearby dumpster, explained “Hey man, they ain’t gonna let you into the hotel wearing no damn box on your head.”

But Winky would prove to be wrong, and the Marriott would prove to be prepared to fend off any determined boxplayers who might attempt to visit them on Saturday, according to the copious signage staged around the facility.

The Marriott Marquis makes it clear that boxplayers are not welcome this year.

Lucerne Report #1

CNN is currently unable to afford a plane ticket to Switzerland, so this report is pending and may be filled using information found on the internet, like how Swiss girls milk cows while wearing bikinis made from yarn. We found that on the internet. We continue to study our sources.

Ticket Scams & Official Refund

Several people on Facebook have attempted to sell their “tickets” online, which is curious, as Cardboard*Con only uses badjs, and those are difficult to obtain as it is – as of this broadcast the 2021 Badj art has not even been revealed. NOTE: CNN recommends that you do NOT purchase tickets to Cardboard*Con now or at any point in the future, whether from strangers or from the event itself.

Perplexingly, Cardboard*Con claims that it is issuing “European-style refund cheques” to badjholders at twice the face value, the cost of which at last count was zero Euros.

More on this story as new details emerge.

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